Putting Children to Bed: A Win-Win Proposition #insomnia

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Credit: Peter Paul Rubens - Two sleeping children (1612-113)

We had a tough time to learn our children to sleep. Very tough. I wish we did know what's below.

A post from Psycology today by Kevin D. Arnold, Ph.D., ABPP has the whole story. Here is a part:

Four Tips to Help Children Stay in Bed 

1.  Don't give negative attention:   Parents can become as lost as their children in the tussle over going to sleep. When we lecture or raise our voice ("I said, 'GO TO BED!'"), we might unintentionally reward our children with negative attention. I myself, even as a psychologist, must tap into my "wise" mind and remember the rule "All attention is attention." Children thrive on attention, so when parents pay negative attention to getting out of bed, they can accidently teach their children to keep getting up. 

2.  Separate your child from the behaviors: Sometimes my frustration gets the best of me, and I only see my children misbehaving. I forget to see them as the little children they really are. We all can be better parents when we remind ourselves that our little boy or girl is the baby we rocked to sleep not-so-long-ago.
I use two strategies. First, I pick up my children and rock them the way I did when they were young. Not only are our children reminded of the calm they felt as babies, but so are we as parents. It reverses the cycle of frustration, promoting calm instead.
Second, I refocus my thoughts by silently reciting the lyrics to "I Loved Her First," by Heartland: "But I loved her (him) first and I held her (him) first, And a place in my heart will always be hers (his), From the first breath she (he) breathed, When she (he) first smiled at me, I knew the love of a father runs deep." I focus my mind on thelove I feel for my children. I shift my thoughts away from the out-of-bed behaviors, filling my mind with ideas about teaching my children to calm down and fall asleep.   

3.  Pull, don't push: In many martial arts, when someone attacks you, the idea is to pull their attack toward you and control their energy. The principal is also true for putting children to bed. When my children fight sleep, I do not fight back (push), I find some way to connect to them (pull). Often, they are not tired-being physically active in the winter is hard to do-so they are not physically ready to sleep. Instead of lecturing them about sleeping, keep them up a little longer by reading or playing with them. But-stay in their room while they tire themselves out. 

4.  Follow good sleep "hygiene" habits:   As a parent, I teach my children to brush their teeth and blow their noses. Children learn good hygiene habits about health from us, and they can learn sleep hygiene too. The rules of sleep hygiene are simple: (a) keep the same bedtime every night; (b) follow the same schedule each night (for example, bath, PJs, story, bed); (c) keep the room dark and quiet; and (d) be calm to set a relaxing tone before sleep. As parents, we can use times when going to bed is tricky to reinforce the use of these hygiene habits-and teach a life-long lesson about how to go to sleep.

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